Rantings of a stressed working mum again

Hello lovelies

There you have a new name.

I'm sorry it's been a while, I have been super busy. Well good news I have finally found a 2nd job! Yay! For those who dont know you can see my other post here
So the last few weeks have been Me juggling work, training, being a mum and my stardew valley addiction. Summer is almost here and most my little darlings have left to enjoy the summer holidays, and very soon I will be starting job number 2.

Unfortunately it hasnt all been rainbows and unicorns farts. You see I have also become a really crappy friend to one of my closest mates. For years he has struggled with mental and physical health and I have been his only form of support. The problem is, he seems to have forgotten the world around him and seems like he's gotten to the point where he is the only person in his world. I have tried and tried to help him give him advice but he will not listen. The other week he called me complaining of stomach ache. I said my suggestions, (have you eaten? What have you eaten? When was the last time you pooped?) I'm also concerned about the amount of meds he is on. I did some research and it turns out the meds he is on is prone to causing constipation,  I informed him of this yet he still insisted on going to A&E. I get a call the next day to confirm my suspicions, he was blocked up. I tried talking to him and suggested he see his GP as I thought his mental health maybe making him more paranoid about his health and he agreed.

After coming back from the hospital again, he called me. He had gone back to self harming.

I was so annoyed! Now don't get me wrong i understand mental health, I've been there with depression and anxiety and I have been off my meds for 8 months now. Unfortunately I could feel myself slowly loosing it. Back to that dark place from 4 years ago. The constant calls and texts, the hospital visits every 3-4 days the not listening to a word I say at all. Just little suggestions to help himself. He broke his wrist oh about 5 months ago and it's not healed because he keeps punching the damned wall! (This is where I suggested mental health help to help deal with his emotions) I was so stressed I really believed if this carried in I would be back on my meds. It got to the point every time he called I would need an alcoholic drink just to keep me calm and we all know that is no good at all.
I don't mean to sound selfish but I have enough on my plate at the moment, and it was the last straw. I did the crappiest thing ever. I told him to man up. I told him to stop being selfish, and to realize not everything can be fixed by throwing tablets at it. I told him he won't ever get better if he is not willing to help himself and I told him if he wanted to kill himself to keep me out of it. I told him I still wanted to be there for him, but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I am the worst friend ever. But after 7 plus years I had enough.

He text me the following day. Apologizing. He didn't realize what he was doing and that indeed he had never considered anyone else. He promised he would get his act together and seek professional help, that he would try to improve his diet and not automatically think he was dying next time when all he needed was a good poop.

Yes I feel guilty. But at the same time, I need my own space. Yes I am the one being selfish but sometimes you have to be selfish to save your own sanity

Thanks for reading again. See you next time. Don't forget to like and share.

Take care xxx